first day of school 

- very thankful for my classmates, they never fail to make me laugh and to say they make class bearable is an understatement.

- most of my classes ended early today which i am happy about 

- bumped into my stc girls which i love love loooove. after being in a new environment and everything, sometimes you just want to fall back on people you're comfortable with, yknow? people who have seen you at both your best and at your worst and still accept you for who you are. people who you don't have to try at all - being with them is effortless.

- tried to make people's day today by telling them they look good. i don't know if it even worked because 1. they probably thought we were retarded 2. they probably thought we were kidding. but no!!!!!!!! hope they all got a little ego boost and feel good about themselves :-)

trying to swear less, hold on to the little things that keep me same. trying to survive without losing myself.

we all make mistakes but there are some mistakes that hurts more than others, that leaves a mark on your heart more than others. this is one of it - a mistake that i couldn't and wouldn't possibly forget. it hurts, it really does, especially when i lay awake at night and think about all the minuscule detail of it and every fibre of my being is begging to stop nitpicking the details and just pretend that it never happened. but here's the thing - it happened and if there's anything that i've learnt from it, is that i've learnt the hard way that above everything, i need to love myself first. i should have invested more time loving and understanding myself. 

and also, makeup is a mask that i've been trying to place on my face less. i went for camp almost makeup-less (except a really really really teeny bit of brows and lip colour that only lasted me 20 minutes) and i don't know how I did it. the truth is everything hurt so badly i couldn't care less if my brow game was weak or my eyes don't pop or i look like i haven't slept for the past century and am a living character of l4d2 or that my bare lips look like the ones of an dying 92 year old. 

wish I could be better. more confident. sweeter. nicer. kinder. funnier. i want to be all those things and i'm going to try every day. 

I don't know how I'm going to survive three years when it's only the second week of school and i have so much hatred for school building up already. I can't do this.............. studying things that I don't even enjoy. With more and more assignments building up all I can say is that I'm drowning and dying. I'm thankful for the people I have met though, they make school worth it.

 

ybnro

met this girl for lunch at department of caffeine :-) i hope she still loves me despite me lying to her about where i was (ADMIT IT EVERYONE DOES THIS HAHHAA) and being late for an hour...... because i couldn't get my eyeliner right (lol for real tho.)

and because i was in the area i decided to pop by the plain to say hi to the lovely people i see 3/4 times a week 

and then it was shopping time w my babe and i got 2 shoes wtf haha I don't even need it but then again....... when you think you have enough shoes, think again. 

xx

another vid from the other day :-))))
gna be so tired next week and i just know it.
work on mon and tues, camp from wed-sat, work on sun............ what even omg i just hope i survive.

february

February has been one hell of a ride. We're almost in the middle of march and work is still challenging most days. I could definitely just walk out and get away with something easier, but then what kind of person would that make me? Ultimately at the end of the day, hopefully I'll be really happy to be able to learn somethjng from there and become a better person. Work has been getting better though, especially in retrospect to my first few days at work. But undoubtedly I still have my reservations about some people but ah, that's what happens when you get thrown into a new environment with people from different ages from all walks of life. It has been challenging yet fruitful, been really busy with either work, meeting the people who makes life worth it and bumming around at home.

 

I have freshman camp next week, and ahh I don't know what to feel about it. Because firstly, I'm not comfortable around people and secondly, I'm not comfortable around people with my bare face HAHA and yes, I do need my brows at all times okay. Not going to worry too much about it in the meantime. Have a great rest of the week whoever you are x