first day of school 

- very thankful for my classmates, they never fail to make me laugh and to say they make class bearable is an understatement.

- most of my classes ended early today which i am happy about 

- bumped into my stc girls which i love love loooove. after being in a new environment and everything, sometimes you just want to fall back on people you're comfortable with, yknow? people who have seen you at both your best and at your worst and still accept you for who you are. people who you don't have to try at all - being with them is effortless.

- tried to make people's day today by telling them they look good. i don't know if it even worked because 1. they probably thought we were retarded 2. they probably thought we were kidding. but no!!!!!!!! hope they all got a little ego boost and feel good about themselves :-)

trying to swear less, hold on to the little things that keep me same. trying to survive without losing myself.

we all make mistakes but there are some mistakes that hurts more than others, that leaves a mark on your heart more than others. this is one of it - a mistake that i couldn't and wouldn't possibly forget. it hurts, it really does, especially when i lay awake at night and think about all the minuscule detail of it and every fibre of my being is begging to stop nitpicking the details and just pretend that it never happened. but here's the thing - it happened and if there's anything that i've learnt from it, is that i've learnt the hard way that above everything, i need to love myself first. i should have invested more time loving and understanding myself. 

and also, makeup is a mask that i've been trying to place on my face less. i went for camp almost makeup-less (except a really really really teeny bit of brows and lip colour that only lasted me 20 minutes) and i don't know how I did it. the truth is everything hurt so badly i couldn't care less if my brow game was weak or my eyes don't pop or i look like i haven't slept for the past century and am a living character of l4d2 or that my bare lips look like the ones of an dying 92 year old. 

wish I could be better. more confident. sweeter. nicer. kinder. funnier. i want to be all those things and i'm going to try every day.